Sunday 24 April 2011

Avengers at the Races

Nothing like a good day at the horse races, what Jeeves?

Indeed not Sir.

Now which of these Avengers fillies is going to win the race, eh Jeeves?

I couldn’t possibly say, Sir.

Well I rather fancy that Cathy filly, plenty of bite, raring at the bit and rather a fine mane of hair, if you don’t mind me remarking.

Don’t you think she is rather short between the hock and fetlocks Sir? I mean, a good length of leg does suggest a longer stride.

Point taken Jeeves. However, a good application of the short whip on those firm hindquarters should give her a spurt. A little ‘wacky wacky’ gets the old adrenaline pumping, what ho, Jeeves.

Indeed Sir, but may I say she’s rather an excitable mare. Possibly you may get a little ‘whacky whacky’ back Sir.

Oh, don’t want that Jeeves, don’t want that at all. Well that Venus pony doesn’t seem to do much but wander off to the crowds and start neighing at them. More interested in making a dreadful noise than getting into the scrum of things.

One doesn’t wish to listen to rumour Sir, but I have heard tell there’s some shire horse in her breeding. Note her rather large hoofs, Sir.

Blimey Jeeves, now you mention it there is a touch of the broad forehead and long neck! Well, what about that Emma mare, strutting about all on her own?

Fine looking flanks, Sir, but note the nostrils in the air. It’s my opinion, Sir, that she thinks she shouldn’t be here at all but at Aintree, possibly in the Grand National!

That’s no good then, she won’t see the race to the end. Be off out of the paddock first chance she gets. There’s that young Tara, plenty of feisty energy in her. Seeing a mare like that and I’m almost tempted to throw a saddle over her myself and take her for a ride.

Hmm. May I respectfully remind you, Sir, that your last riding incident was, how shall we say, not entirely successful.

Oh darn it all, Jeeves, do you have to bring that up again? Had somebody explained to me that that Rhonda filly was an Australian pony I wouldn’t have attempted to mount her in the Drones. The corridor leading to the dining room is far too short to get up to a reasonable cantor. Personally, after that, I became of the opinion that horses should be banned from gentleman’s club! Well that leaves that long legged filly, Purdey.

Ah a true thoroughbred, Sir. May I bring your attention to her excellent legs, good short cannon bones, and springy pasterns? I have no doubt she can jump a high fence Sir.

Hold on Jeeves! They’re off and I didn’t get a chance to place a bet.

I fear Sir, that there has been some unfortunate distraction. They appear to be running, not along the track, but across to the enclosure.

Good lord, Jeeves, what’s got into them?

It would appear to be that steed, Sir, the rather fine pedigree stallion wearing the rather smart hunting saddle, head plume and riding whip. It seems to have turned their heads.

This is just not on, Jeeves, not on at all. What a goose! I say, fancy a wager on which reaches him first?

I fear Sir, we will never know. The steed has galloped off with them in pursuit. Though one thing crosses my mind, as a gentleman’s gentleman… such a well-bred steed, I wonder if he has a groom?

Now steady on Jeeves. Ah, well… what’s the next race?

I believe it’s the ‘Charlie’s Angels’.

I think we will give that a miss don’t you Jeeves?

Indeed I do, Sir. Indeed I do.

‘Jeeves and Wooster’ copyright P.G. Wodehouse. This homage written and illustrated by Ian Duerden.