Thursday, 10 March 2011

Wooster on the Avenger Girls...

"You know, Jeeves, I really can't make up my mind about these Avenger fillies."

"Indeed, Sir"

"Mrs Gale shows plenty of bally ho but arrived at our picnic dressed entirely in leather… and not a horse in sight!"

"Most disquieting, Sir."

"And that's not all. The slightest provocation and she'd biff and buff some unfortunate until his sprats are over his head."

"Hardly the actions of a lady, Sir. And Mrs Peel?"

"Damn rum business that was, Jeeves. Twenty minutes of my pratter guaranteed to woe the most reserved lady and she suddenly proposes we visit her Uncles Jack's house at Pendlesham in Hampshire. Now I know I may have had a few Martinis on the way but… well, the blasted architect of the house should have been jolly well shot! Old Bertie finds himself alone and in a frightful spin. Whichever room I went into there was this confounded spinning thing and try as I did I couldn't seem to find the gentleman's closet. Well, a lesser man than me might have gone mad in such a situation, but not a Wooster! I decided to wait for help and to keep stimulated I flicked cards into my top hat."

"Most stimulating, Sir."

"Indeed, Jeeves, kept me quite sane until two months later the police broke in. And not a moment too soon… I'd eaten everything except the Queen of Clubs and the top hat."

"Most fortunate timing, Sir."

"So you can imagine I approached Miss King with some hesitation, after all the previous frilies had been of a disquieting nature. Well, she seemed most agreeable. Big droopy eyes, clearly appreciated the experienced man, bit of a hanger on but at last equal to my intelligence."

"I'm sure she is, Sir. So may I ask what went wrong?"

"It's what fell out of her handbag, Jeeves. Most disquieting for a young lady to carry such a thing around with her."

"May I ask what said 'thing' was, Sir."

"Let's just say, Jeeves, if she applies her makeup with a trowel I wouldn't be amazed. No, all in all that bounder, Steed, is most welcome to them."

"Ah, Mr Steed. There's a gentleman to be a 'gentleman's personal gentleman' to."

"Now none of this Jeeves! I have it on good account that his last butler complained; needed a commercial sander to buff the bowler hat with. Why, when I borrowed his umbrella for Henley, first spot of rain and I hospitalised three people trying to open the bally thing. There's something damn rum about a man who surrounds himself with ladies so ready to biff a chap. Now about this Rhonda… more my type is she? Petite, girlish, giggles and frocks? Send her in, Jeeves."

"With pleasure, Sir."

‘Jeeves and Wooster’ copyright P.G. Wodehouse. This homage written and illustrated by Ian Duerden.

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